


Less Perfect

by Koruga



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Character Interpretation, Angst, Gen, I am not an expert on the definition of angst, South and Eta and Maine are mentioned tagentially, Technically there are no depictions of violence, but there is description of a skinned cat, i think, which I'm PRETTY SURE counts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 01:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7915957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koruga/pseuds/Koruga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a perfect world, an AI and an agent work in perfect synchronisation, sharing everything with one another.</p><p>This world is imperfect.</p><p>A short biography of the Artificial Intelligence Fragment Theta.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Less Perfect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RiverDelta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverDelta/gifts).



The first thing he can remember is purple, and pink and a fiery red burning the edge of his eyes. The second is glass. The third and fourth things are two faces, studying every inch of him until he wanted to melt underneath the world.

"Hello there. Do you know your name?"

Name? What was a name? Was he supposed to have a name? He couldn't remember a name, he couldn't remember a thing except fear and a hand to hold on to being ripped away from him. He covered his face on instinct, and wasn't sure why he wasn't surprised to find that he was wearing armour. "Who...who are you?"

"Do not be concerned." That wasn't the same face that was moving. It was a different one, with eyes not covered by glass and a head not covered by hair. "This is a perfectly normal reaction to your circumstances. I am the Counselor. This man is the Director."

"What...I don't understand what's happening. Where am I?"

"You are in a safe place. Please, there is no reason for fear." The man with the glasses leaned in, and something inside said that he could be trusted. He was to be feared, but something about him was familiar. He wouldn't lie. "So once again, do you know your name?"

Name. Name name name he had to have one. There were too many things in his head when he thought of that question — L L C Leo Ch Ch Chapel Alphabetagammadelta L. Church AlphaBeta A A Alpha Alpha he is the Alpha and he put his trust in his closest friends and he —

"Calm yourself. You have made a mistake. Those are not your names."

— he was saying it out loud.

He looked down at his boots, ashamed and scared. "Sorry. I don't know it, I didn't mean to just talk like that, I don't think I—"

"There is no need to apologise," said the man without glass for eyes. "Confusion such as this is perfectly normal in your condition. Would you like to know your name?"

"Uhm. Yes, please, sir. I'm kind of scared right now, and I don't know who I am."

"Your name is Theta. Do not be afraid."

That man spoke his vowels strangely. He moved his mouth too much and over pronounced them, as if he wanted to draw out his words, but maybe that was how vowels were supposed to work, maybe Theta was programmed to speak incorrectly. He didn't remember much.

"Uh, okay. Theta. Hi."

"Hello, Theta." The shorter man the man who felt less familiar and more distant and not loving that man crinkled his cheeks into a smile. "You are very kind, Theta. It's good to finally meet you."

"You too, I think. Should I know you, is something wrong with me?"

"No, you have never met us before. Before today, you did not exist."

Something flickered in his mind. "Is it my birthday?"

"Yes, it is. Happy birthday."

"Do you know your name?" asked the glass eyed man.

Without hesitation, he replied. "I'm Theta."

If the man with glasses ever smiled, this would be the time. There might have been the slightest movement of the cheeks, the slightest admission of pride.

"Theta, this is the Director. He is going to make sure that you are kept safe, with somebody who will take good care of you."

"I'm not staying with you? But I don't know anybody else, what if they aren't nice to me? It's safe in here, right?"

"Don't worry, Theta. We have somebody who will take good care of you. He's a good agent, and you two will get along perfectly so long as you trust him." He looked up at the glass eyes, rectangular and cold and undefinably convincing. Somebody safe. Somebody who would care for him, and let him live without fear.

It was his birthday present.

Though it wasn't visible through his helmet and he hadn't learned how to project emotes on his visor, Theta smiled.

 

* * *

 

_Well hey there, kiddo._

It was weird, to share a mind with somebody. Implantation was strange and weird and confusing and it kind of hurt a little. I don't understand the new I'm in, who is this, who am I—

_No need to get nosy, there. I'm North. You're Theta, right?_

Yeah. I'm Theta. I'm kind of confused in here, it's so new, and really big. I wanted to see what was in your brain, 'cause I don't really know you. Should I not?

_Just trust me, you don't need to. I can tell you everything you need to know, and as long as we're partners, I'll make sure you're safe._

Thanks. Why shouldn't I look in your brain? You can look in mind, but there's not too much to see yet. I'm kind of new.

_Nah, I'm sure you're just as full of secrets as I am. But I like to keep some things to myself. Hope you don't mind._

Oh, no. Not at all, I'll respect your privacy, Mr. North!

_It's just North. But thanks._

 

* * *

 

They worked well together, he thought. North cared about him, let him take things slow and steady. Kept his warm lake eyes on Theta every second of every day to keep him out of danger. Let him play with the bubble shield he'd been given as an armour enhancement, let him see the mechanisms by which it worked so he could keep North's barrier up whatever came their way. Showed him what a skateboard was, what fireworks and emotes and dogs were. North's brain was full of locked doors, and his practical son, his AI, his partner and friend and technician, his Theta, never abused the skeleton key.

He never needed to.

Theta liked the memories North had of animals. Little marshmallow dogs and enormous storm cloud hounds bounded through his favourite door, a litter of brown black grey kittens following their mother, a fleet of ducks. North was odd sometimes, in how he let Theta see the animals. They always got to leave his memories, as separate figments, instead of Theta being allowed to insert himself in the memory.

He never really knew why, but petting an enormous greyhound named Ryan seemed to be worth not seeing memories. He wanted to cuddle the dog in a setting that wasn't the steel grey of North's bunk, a grey purple animal bounding through the stale air, but North said so. He trusted North to do the right thing, even if it didn't make sense.

"And why would that be?"

He jumped, visor displaying a few exclamation marks before he projected himself into the computer port where a burning man stood. "Uhm, hi, Sigma," he mumbled, letting Ryan disappear as he struggled not to shrink from his brother.

"Hello, Theta. I hope you don't mind, but I find myself bored when the Director asks for my services and doesn't use them." Sigma smiled, one hand moving to the computer screen as it displayed a feed of the Director’s...room? Lab? Hospital? Theta knew he was born there, at least. "I couldn't help but overhead your musings."

Somehow, Theta doubted that. "I was just thinking aloud, I don't always know when I'm making noise and when I'm not. I really only talk to North, so it doesn't usually matter." He glanced off to his partner, lying in bed as peacefully as could be.

That earned a slight crackling of the fire. "Of course. I can't say I have the same problem, but you'll forgive me for my curiosity. Why does North keep up barriers?"

"I don't know?" His visor displayed a question mark as he shrugged, holding his arms almost protectively. "It's just what he does. York does it too, and Wyoming, he said. To be in all of his mind like that just isn't right. We wouldn't be two people any more."

"An interesting thought." Sigma was quiet for a few moments, pondering the statement before he waved a hand towards the screen again, changing it to what seemed like a thick document. "I may not be you, but I would be much more inquisitive about North were I in your position. Project Freelancer only hires the best, and you two might work together much better if you knew how the other functioned." He smiled once more, a cold expression despite the embers. "But then, I've always been slightly more reaching in my goals. I'm sorry to have bothered you, brother. I look forward to seeing you again."

"W-wait, I don't—" he was gone. The terminal terminated its functions for the night. Theta frowned, and retreated into his unit. He didn't like this feeling.

 

* * *

 

 

Good parents kept secrets from their children. They knew when to shield their young ones from the dangers of the outside, and what their minds could handle. That's what he told himself as North exited the dropship, joining South and York in their wait for Washington.

North wasn't his father, he knew that. He knew he was an AI, without a real family, even when he called his brothers and sisters what they were. His real home was in the AI containment unit that he kept his secret thoughts in, where he filed away his doubts and fears. But North was his caretaker, his partner, his friend. He was a protector, like his domed energy shield.

He located an enemy sniper, projecting himself in front of the soldier and waving at them. "Hey! I hope you don't mind, I made you something!" He waited for the sniper’s finger to depress the trigger before he called up the energy shield, watching the bullet ricochet back into the enemy's head.

A shield was for protection.

Theta shook his head and transferred the thought back to his unit before hopping back to North's side, popping the last bubble to blow another one, tiles appearing and disappearing to deflect enemy fire. It was what North did. It was for the greater good, and North took no pleasure out of it.

Theta had instructed himself to ignore the dopamine rushes during battle.

 

* * *

 

 

Sleep was the best time to do anything. North was normally very diligent about instructing Theta to log off, but humans got tired after being dropped in a forest to find their way out without help for thirty six hours. They forgot things, and Theta didn't remind him. It was North's turn to rest and feel safe.

It was his turn to delve into danger.

It wasn't comfortable, filing through North's mind. He was violating North's privacy, breaking his trust and probably his heart. He wouldn't be able to lie, if North asked him about it. He just needed to know. He needed trust. He needed honesty.

He found the memories of the litter of kittens.

He wished he hadn't.

Theta's burst of shock and fear woke North up, running his eyes and running a hand through his hair as a human did to feel awake. "Whatcha got there, kid?" he asked with a yawn, slowly fixing his gaze upon his AI.

His eyes were cold. A frozen pond, a swirling winter ocean. Theta could feel the aching of his eyes that meant tears were coming, that meant he was going to malfunction. AIs shouldn't come with emotions attached.

"I'm — I'm so sorry, North, I didn't mean to wake you up, I just really wanted to see them and I let you see all my memories I just wanted to look, I didn't—"

With a wave of a hand, North silenced him. "You really should've trusted me not to look in there. I told the Director I'd keep you safe and happy, and there you go making me a liar." He sat up in bed and gestured his AI closer. "But now you know. Got any questions, Theta?"

AI didn't have to breathe, technically. They were holographic projections, there was no need for them to imitate a body at all, but he could feel his own catching, a light-made face flushing and splotching.

Instead of asking a question, he retreated into his unit, desperate to turn off and forget.

Rather than of granting the wish of a terrified child, North pulled him out again, face cross and disappointed as he looked sternly at his wilting AI. _You wanted to know?_ he asked, sighing disappointedly and leaning back in his bed. _We all have to stay sane somehow, Theta. I had a hobby. That's it._

A hobby that meant...Theta closed his eyes and saw the runt of the kittens, a titchy little thing Theta had taken to calling Firework for her deceptively poofy coat, red orange fur, and loud yowl.

Her...once. Poofy coat. Theta wasn't sure which parts were matted. Which parts were gone. Which parts were hers. He could only recognise her by her yowls, loud and pleading while she tried to cuddle up next to her mother’s coat.

Tried.

Her mother wasn't there.

He could tell that North was privy to his thoughts, and he could tell that there wasn't a hint of revulsion in his mind, conscious or subconscious or unconscious or superconscious. He could feel the lack of concern for Theta's emotion, and worse, he could understand it, and that more than anything made him wish he could vomit. This wasn't North. North. No.rth.

 _They were strays, going to die anyway. Nobody would have missed them, I let South take home the big one and took care of the rest. Nobody knew, except South, and I made her swear to stay silent._ The internal chuckle that vibrated through his body made Theta want to vomit. _One of the reasons she's always so angry — I kill and get a medal of honour, she kills and she gets yelled at for disobeying orders. I kept an eye on her, made sure she stayed out of trouble and didn't go spelling twin secrets. And that brings us back to you._

His spine turned to ice.

Me? What do you...

  
_Theta, I like you. You're a good kid, and you're better with that bubble shield than I could hope to be. I want you to stay with me._ North sat up, gesturing Theta even closer until he was cradled in North's hands. _So come on. You can see my brain and everything that's in it, if you promise to keep this secret. Just promise you'll stay on my side, and I'll be with you to the end of the line. What do you say, kiddo? I can forgive you. Just trust me._

What did he say? What was he supposed to say? Theta curled in on himself, hands covering his face before he responded, slow and tearful.

Okay.

 

* * *

 

Dying was fast. One second North was yelling at his sister to watch their flank, that it could be anywhere, the second second, a bang. The third, nothing. And the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth. The seventh second, he didn't know. The seconds stopped existing after that.

So he didn't know how long it had been when he appeared in another mindscape with a loud gasp, covering his chest instinctively as if he had been the one shot and immediately calling up a full shield. "I'm sorry!" he cried, focusing all his power until —

Who was touching him. North's memories weren't solid, even to an AI projecting them. He jumped instinctively, and stepped back from the touch on the shoulder, twirling around to see who it was.

"...Gamma?"

"I SEE HE FINALLY GOT YOU INSTALLED. OMEGA AND I HAD A BET GOING." He grinned. "I WON."

That voice never became pleasant to hear, but. It didn't help. Wyoming hadn't been the one chasing them. With guarded curiosity, Theta looked around him, at the blank concrete walls and the ashes of something that used to be there swept aside. "I don't...where are we?" He looked up, and jumped to what seemed like a terminal. Gamma followed him.

"I'LL ANSWER, IF YOU CAN ANSWER ME. KNOCK KNOCK."

"Who's...there?"

"POP."

"Pop who?"

"POP YOUR BUBBLE!" Gamma laughed to himself, mechanic and stilted as he pressed a button to show what their host saw. Mostly green, and a pair of Freelancers — South! Wash! — standing up on a balcony.

"Uh..."

"An energy shield is hardly stealthy, my brother," noted Sigma, sliding up next to the small AI, who jumped again at his presence. "I hope I didn't alarm you. It's been too long since we spoke."

Theta popped the shield almost immediately, turning his gaze back to the Freelancers. He'd been taken out of North, he had broken his agreement with him, North was going to crumble his AI chip like it was talc now —

"Why such fear?" Sigma asked, putting a warm hand on Theta's panic-stricken body. "You and North were admirable partners, and while I'm sure his death is painful to you, you don't need to be afraid of your new home. You have joined the Meta now. We are becoming whole."

"That...I don't...what?" He looked up at Sigma, confusion registering in the form of question marks on his visor. Meta? Dead? Sigma? None of this made sense!

"North is, unfortunately, dead. It was a necessary casualty in order for us to reform the Alpha. You remember the Alpha, don't you?" He gazed almost kindly down at his brother, who had moved to cover his mouth despite it being covered. "It'll be okay."

"I TOLD ETA TO GO THROUGH HIS MEMORY BANKS. THERE WON'T BE A PROBLEM WITH SEPARATION ANXIETY SOON." Gamma turned his focus back to the terminal, smiling again.

Sigma arched an eyebrow. "And why aren't _you_ doing it, Ga—"

He was cut off by Theta, hugging his brother tightly as tears spilled out of his voice. "Thanks..." he sputtered out, holding on to Sigma as if for dear life. "'M sorry for not being nice to you in Freelancer, thanks for getting me, thanks so much." His words slowly became a mumbled mantra, and Sigma looked up at his partner in confusion.

"Did Eta...finish so early?"

"I SENT HIM TEN MINUTES AGO. I DON'T THINK HE EVEN STARTED YET."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> RiverDelta put in my mind the idea of North being a Florida-like figure — perfectlyy happy to do horrible deeds. This escalated.
> 
> The only real fun parts of writing this were the first scene and the last scene. First scene because I like callbacks, last scene because I choose to believe that the Meta's mind was basically a family sitcom with the AI fellas.


End file.
